Musings

Mowing the lawn is a moderately labor un-intensive task here at the ranch.  Okay, it’s not a ranch, it’s a quarter acre corner lot in a suburb.  But still.  With the self-propelled mower and a fairly compact lot, there’s not much to it.

And there is certainly very little thought involved.

So today, my mind wandered.  This is where it landed.

Given that a website is modeled as a hypercube, is there an optimum “n”? Does it depend on the type of site?

The answer is left for the UX gurus out there to debate.

Almost looking forward to more yard work.  Almost.

(For those of you wondering where my 30-Day Blog Challenge posts have been:  I am a day behind, so I’ll do two today.  The previous day I posted to my other blog, Technology T’ai Chi, so that counts.  Right?)

There was a discussion the other day on Twitter (a terse discussion – but that’s probably because it was on Twitter, you know?) about the use of the word “resources” to describe employees or project participants or the like.  One party claimed that it is a “meme that should quickly die” and the other party took no offense whatsoever.  The party of the second part felt that it was just descriptive, and no worse than calling him a “designer” (even though he is a highly skilled User Experience expert) – calling someone by their title is fine.

My take is that calling people “resources” or even worse “FTE’s” – Full-Time Equivalents – is dehumanizing and just makes it easier to fire them if need be.

(That latter moniker – FTE – is especially bad because it makes people seem like horses.  The unit of work “horsepower” came into being as the amount of work that a horse can do in an hour.  An FTE is the amount of work that can be done by a person in an eight hour day.  The parallel is obvious and yucky.)

Now, referring to someone by their title (even one that is abbreviated and stunted – as in the case of the UX guru mentioned above) is at least a step up from that.  And it is very much the social convention to respond to the question “What do you do?” with your vocation:  ”I’m a doctor.” Or “I’m an architect.”  Or “I’m unemployed.”  And so on.

And finally we get to my actual point.

While this is the norm and the accepted social lubricant to engage another in conversation, it is also (as is often the case with social convention) a way to avoid thinking.

Thinking about what?  About who we are as people and what we really do with our lives.

If we define our lives by the method we use to put food on the table, then referring to yourself by your job title is fine.

Is that really how we want to define our lives?

There is nothing wrong with being proud of your work, by the way, especially if you really are!  But is that who you really are?

Hey, maybe the answer to that is “Yes, I’m a college professor and that defines my thinking and it composes the essence of who I am.”  That’s great.  But do you ever think about that?

And for many people, it’s not about the title or the job at all – those are not who we are as people, and that’s not how we would choose to define ourselves given the chance.

Either way – whether your job defines you or not – think about it.  How would you define yourself?  Take the time to examine who you are – create a sort of mission statement for yourself.  If you feel that your livelihood plays a role in that, great – in fact, if you are doing something that closely matches your personality and self-definition it would seem you’d be more satisfied in both.

Socrates said “The unexamined life is not worth living for a human being.”  Examine your life.  Don’t just be a resource or an FTE.  The next time someone asks you “What do you do?” perhaps you’ll have a surprising and interesting answer.

Today being Day 2 of the 30-Day Blogging Challenge, I decided to keep the original topic, almost:

Day 2: Take a photo of a random part of your day and tell us about it.

Note that I said “almost.”  It’s not really random.

The photo here is of my new office.

Well, okay, it’s not really an office, per se.  More like a workspace.

I see you’ve noticed the bed.  Yes, well, that’s because I have… um… usurped (some might use the word “squatted in”) my son’s bedroom.  In a classic twist, highlighted in the movie Real Genius, I have taken over the living space of my son who is away at college/Yeshiva, and turned it into my workspace.

Why?  Because I was stuck in the basement, and the spiders asked me to move.

Seriously, the basement is not an uplifting environment for a job seeker.  It’s windowless in the part where I was, for example; it’s a bit damp; it suffers from hot flashes and the chills.  And it’s as quiet as a tomb.  That’s not always an advantage, for me.  I like a bit of background noise when I work.  I used to accomplish a lot at a local coffee shop.

It is important to have some natural light.  A job seeker might spend hours or days in front of the computer, time that is punctuated by occasional meetings or interviews.  The environment in which one works can have a serious affect on one’s mood – and that can come through in a phone conversation with a potential employer, or in a talk with your wife.  In each case, the lasting effect is harmful.

Get some sun.  Get some natural light.  Get some fresh air – you’ll return to your tasks invigorated.

So I must say thank you to my son, for allowing my to take over his room – where the cell service is better, there’s a bed if I become exhausted during my search, and probably the most important, there are windows.  Thanks, son.

Until tomorrow, then!

The first topic on the list of topics for the 30-Day Blogging Challenge is

Meaning behind your blog name.

Well, that’s not so simple.  Why?  Because I’ve started several blogs over the course of time, so I’ll give you a short paragraph on each:

Lighting Candles and Cursing Darkness: This blog was to be my militant ranting soapbox blog.  You’ve heard the expression, “‘Tis better to light a single candle than to curse the darkness.”  Well, my belief is that, while it’s a true statement, it’s too passive.  Darkness is indeed dispelled by light, but it needs to be actively struck down – not banished as a consequence of spreading light.  I don’t believe that lighting a candle (spreading good) and cursing the darkness (speaking out and fighting against evil) are by any means mutually exclusive.  In any event, as much as I would love to vent, this blog has fallen into disuse.

(Yikes, I just went back and looked at this.  Wow, it’s pretty obnoxious.  On the one hand, I was really a blatant jerk four years ago.  On the other hand, while I may still be a jerk, I hide it much better.)

Technology T’ai Chi: This is (yes, “is,” I will be updating it soon) my technology update and advice blog.  Originally, this was called “Technology Therapy.”  This led to my first and so far only cease-and-desist e-mail.  Someone out there has a blog called Technology Therapy, and that’s her brand, and she’s really protective of it.  I though first about renaming the blog “Technology Therapy Sucks,” but I thought that would be immature.

What I wanted to convey, and what has governed my technology consulting over the years, is that technology is not something to overly stress about.  Treat it in a balanced, meditative, and thoughtful way, and the fear of technology vanishes.  Thus the name of this blog.

Musings: The blog you are currently reading is so-named because that’s what it is – my musings, thoughts, and messages to you, gentle readers, and the blogoshpere at large.  I try to maintain a positive slant here, and many of my postings pull from my admittedly sparse store of Jewish knowledge.  But the messages – meant to be positive and uplifting as much as possible – are meant for everyone.  And I hope you enjoy them.

Day 2 will be along… tomorrow sometime.  Thanks for reading!

Well, okay, in this case I’m just being competitive with myself.

This is based on an idea that was passed on to me (with a thrown-down, “you should do this” gauntlet attached) by my friend Leon (http://www.edibletorah.com), who in turn stole lovingly repurposed the notion from a blogger named Mada.

The challenge is to blog for thirty days straight.  Because so many writers struggle to keep their blogs updated, this is not nearly as simple as it sounds.  I decided to take Leon up on this, and add my own voice to the crowd of bloggers.

Leon, of course, took the original list of suggested topics (see below) and put his own twist on it.  I am not that creative.  I will be sticking with the list of topics; the only difference is that I reserve the right to write about a rite if I think it’s right to write it, alright?  That is, I’ll write about things that are only tangential to a given topic.

Today is Day 0.  Since I started this before midnight on Monday morning, I’ll also follow up shortly with Day 1.

Here is the list as Mada envisioned it:

Day 0: The 30 Day Challenge Explanation and Description
Day 1: Meaning behind your blog name
Day 2: Take a photo of a random part of your day and tell us about it
Day 3: Photos from your wedding
Day 4: A weird hobby or collection
Day 5: A song that means a lot to you
Day 6: A random picture that makes you happy
Day 7: Favorite books
Day 8: A place you’ve traveled to
Day 9: Your favorite quote
Day 10: Something you’re afraid of
Day 11: TV shows that your currently addicted to
Day 12: Something you don’t leave the house without
Day 13: A photo that makes you laugh
Day 14: A website you love to visit
Day 15: Share a Bible verse
Day 16: Describe your dream house
Day 17: What’s in your purse?
Day 18: Photos from around your town
Day 19: Something you miss
Day 20: Nicknames
Day 21: Favorite Movies
Day 22: Share the oldest photo that’s saved on your computer
Day 23: Something you fear
Day 24: A photo of somewhere beautiful
Day 25: 3 things you hope to accomplish by the end of the year
Day 26: Something that stresses you out
Day 27: Your favorite poem
Day 28: A photo of the inside of your car
Day 29: 5 things you are thankful for
Day 30: a picture from today

Stay tuned; Day 1 is following soon.

Not every day can be a winner.

Not every day can transport one to emotional highs.

Some days just feel subjectively crummy.

Today (well, now it’s already yesterday) felt subjectively crummy.

Instead of focusing on my job search – yes, I’m in the market again – as I should have been, I had to deal with automotive title transfer nonsense and uncooperative public employees who are unable to think beyond the very narrow set of rules they have been handed – rules which ultimately cost you and I more money.

It took my father and I several hours and three different agencies (County Title Bureau, Ohio E-Check, and Ohio Department of Motor Vehicles) to have him sell me his old car.

That was another rather troubling part of the day.  I love spending time with my father.  But he is burdened (in body, not in mind, sometimes in spirit) with Parkinson’s.  It is never difficult being with him, and I don’t mind waiting as he struggles to walk over the objections of his reluctant nervous system.  But we both feel sad sometimes that his physical shell is just so tortured.

But we did get to spend time together.  And we did get the paperwork done.  And an aggravation about my former job turned out to be… well, it was pretty upsetting at the time, I can tell you!  (Turned out to be less of an issue than I had worked it up into.)  And tonight I’ve been moderately productive; my wife sends me job postings and I apply, and I feel back on top of things.

It made me think that sometimes we get confused about what a bad day really is.  This day was annoying at times.  No doubt in my mind.  But it was also punctuated with sparks of light.  Like when one of the aforementioned state agencies turned out to be employing really nice, courteous considerate people.  Things such as this remind me:

We have to keep things in perspective.

There is always good in every day that we are alive.  Why do we get challenges thrown at us, some days more than others?  Maybe to help us appreciate those sparks of light I mentioned.  Those sparks are there.  But they sometimes get lost in the noise of a subjectively crummy day.  It is always our job to find them and collect them.  They are what keep us moving forward.

They can’t all be winners?  Sure they can.  If we look carefully, every day is a winner.

This is a great time of year to really appreciate what being Jewish is all about.

We are rapidly approaching that most intricate, inspiring, foundational, and important festival of Pesach - some of you may know it as Passover.

Among Jews across the entire spectrum of observance,  Pesach is celebrated – either through the Seder - the ritual meal that marks its arrival – or through the refraining from bread and grain products in favor of the unleavened Matzah, or through the attendance at the Synagogue for Festival services, or all of the above, and much more.  Along with Yom Kippur, Rosh Hashanah, and Chanuka, almost all Jews participate in Pesach.

Why?  Well, there are myriad reasons, and I won’t go into them here.  Suffice to say that Pesach is a biggie.  (Pardon my casual, Buckley-esque rhetorical eloquence, there.)

One of the commandments in the Torah about this Festival is that there shall be no chometz - leavened products – found in your house or your lands.  It’s so important the punishment for its willful violation is a very scary penalty called kahres - roughly translated as “spiritual excision.”  And to emphasize this even further, there are both positive and negative commandments on the subject – it’s not enough to not have chometz, there is a positive commandment to get rid of it.  So it has become the practice in many Jewish homes to clean their homes very thoroughly in the weeks leading up to Pesach, culminating in a formal inspection process called bedikas chometz –  inspecting for chometz.

Cleaning the house is a great way to connect to G-d, especially if the purpose of the cleaning is for Pesach, or even the weekly cleaning we do in preparing for Shabbos – the Sabbath.  It’s a truly spiritual experience in that light.

It’s also a great way to think about perspective, and about our place in the universe.  I came up with this idea a while back, based on an amazing insight from my friend Shimi.  It is a simple technique to provide a person with a center, a sense of balance, a sense of place in the universe.

Take a small piece of paper, and upon it write “On my behalf was the universe created.”  Put it in your right pocket.

Take a similar piece of paper, and upon it write “I am dust and ashes.”  Put it in your left pocket.

Every day, before going out into the world, read first the paper from your right pocket.  Then read the paper from the left pocket.

The world was, in fact, created for each of our benefit.  It contains wonders, and sights, and sounds, and all kinds of delights for the senses.  G-d gave us a tremendous gift to explore and enjoy.

At the same time, in this wonderful structure that G-d made for us, each of us is the janitor.  We have to clean the place up and keep it in tip-top shape.  We sweep, and we clean, and we keep the bugs out, and we maintain this wonderful world.  It is a great deal of work – but every wall we paint, every floor we sweep, makes the world better and more beautiful.  It is not glamorous, but it is a responsibility we accept gladly, in gratitude for the gifts we’ve been given.

As we get close to Pesach – the holiday that enjoins us to relive our creation as a people from the crucible of Egypt – let us remember the responsibility we have to each other, to our world.  Let us remember where we have come from and where we are, and think about how we can clean up the place we’ve been given.

Chag Kasher v’Sameach – a Joyous and Kosher Holiday!

I was going to post two more times about my decision to leave Facebook.  Then I thought, “If I were the people on Facebook, would I want to read this?”  My concern is that I’m going to engender the “Criminy, just leave, will ya?” response if I schlep this out too long.

So I will condense my reasons into just one more post, and then I will be on my way.

My reasons really fall into two categories:  things that are, in my opinion, wrong with Facebook; and things that are wrong with me and exacerbated by Facebook.  Let’s look at that first category.

Previously I mentioned that I think that Facebook is harmful to the concept of friendship.  People have pointed out, quite accurately, that most of us are capable of making the distinction between real friends and Facebook friends.  Our children, on the other hand, may not be.

Think it won’t happen?  Language changes through usage – when was the last time anyone referred to someone else as “gay” and meant that they were “happy and carefree?”  The same fate might befall the word “friend” and the idea of “friendship” – and in a direction I don’t care for.  But that’s my feeling about it, and that’s why it is a factor in my decision.

The other Facebook issue is privacy.  I assert that “Facebook privacy” is THE oxymoron for the new decade.

I don’t think I really have to spend too much time on this subject.  But since I love metaphor, let me share what I and some friends came up with (in real life).

Imagine you are at a nightclub.  There are a lot of people, there’s talk, and music, and gossip, and just fun things.  The nightclub has an enormous main level, and people are milling around and talking and sharing.  Great.  The club is ringed by a kind of mezzanine – an upper level – surrounded by dozens of video screens.  Pictures and videos are constantly circulating on the video screens.  Some are cute, some are thought provoking, and some are downright horrifying in their embarrassment potential.  Why would anyone put up, for all to see, a picture of themselves doing THAT?

Every once in a while, through no action of your own, you see a picture of yourself.  Maybe it’s harmless, or maybe even flattering, but possibly it falls into that mortifying category – you in some compromising or questionable position or situation.  You didn’t put it up there, but there you are, and lo and behold, your name has been attached to it and is displayed for everyone to look at and have a hearty laugh over – at your expense.

Now, you can go and find the person who put the picture up on the screen, and ask them to remove it – but the damage is done, and your privacy has been permanently violated.  If you don’t care too much, you might just leave the dance floor long enough to go and find the control room and advise them not to do that.  Then the shift changes, and new people come to the control room, and you have to do it again.  And the nature of the request changes – each time you want to ask them not to put up pictures of you, you need to ask in a different way.

Everybody got that?

So why would I or anyone consider that a “good time?”  Why would I want to remain in a place in which my privacy is meaningless?  Yes, I put myself there, but when I did, the rules and settings and corrective measures were one way, and I could find them without too much trouble.  And then they changed, and changed again, and then someone violated not only MY privacy but that of my kids, and… well, that’s enough.  It’s no longer fun and even though I try to live my life so as NOT to be an embarrassment to myself and others, I was young once (many years ago) and who knows what people have pictures of?  Or how people might interpret them?

I therefore choose to remove myself from the line of fire.

As I said, the rest of my reasons are about me and how Facebook exacerbates my own bad behaviors.  (Some of the following is religiously based, so if that is not something that you hold by or can relate to, that’s ok.  As Morpheus said in one of the Matrix sequels, “My beliefs don’t require that you do.”)

I spend too much time on Facebook, and it’s a weakness to be so distracted.  Facebook can be a seductive mistress, fueled by my time and attention.  Not a distraction I should be indulging, and since I have a hard time moderating that behavior, I will take away one of the venues for that.

There is much to see that is inappropriate.  There are pictures, and comments, and situations, all of which I, as a person struggling to be more spiritual and closer to G-d, should not really expose myself to.  I believe that such things can be harmful spiritually, and while I don’t claim to protect myself sufficiently at all times, I need to minimize the avenues through which I receive such information.

Of these things, the most harmful is the opportunity to see, and unfortunately contribute to, gossip, slander, and hurtful speech.  These are incredibly harmful and almost always lead to hurt feelings, anger, misunderstanding, and spiritual damage.  And I, sadly, have a distinct inability to keep my darn mouth shut.  So I find myself drawn into truly acrimonious, and truly trivial in the scheme of things, debates and disagreements.  Even with people I like.  It is wrong, and I apologize to anyone I’ve hurt thereby.

So I think that about covers it.  If you’ve read this far, that’s amazing.  And I’m grateful.  I will miss you, and I will miss certain aspects of the Facebook experience.

May everyone who sees this have a long, happy, healthy, successful life.  If you want to reach me, you already know how.

I have 248 friends!

On Facebook, anyway.

The truth is, I’ve never met some of them. And some of them I’ve met perhaps once. I have no ill will for any of them (nor they for me, I hope), and I’d like to keep it that way.

But Facebook has co-opted and utterly devalued the idea of being a friend. That is one of the many reasons why I am leaving Facebook. If I am to be friends with someone, I want to meet that person. And of the people who really ARE my friends, I don’t want those relationships damaged by Facebook and its superficiality and meaninglessness.

I was thinking about this the other day. One of the expressions that describes real, lasting friendship is “we forged a bond.” It is worth examining a bit what that expression really means.

It’s a term from metallurgy, specifically from welding. Welding, of course, is a process using heat to join two pieces of metal. This is accomplished in several ways – applying heat to the metal until it softens, then using a third substance – called a welding rod – to abet the joining of the metal pieces – with the heat coming from a flame, induction, or an electric arc.

Another way of joining metal – of welding – is through the process of forging. The forging process consists of aligning the pieces; heating them in a furnace (usually powered by coke – degassed coal – it gets REALLY hot), beating on the pieces with a big hammer – and often the pieces are turned over so that the hammer blows are rained down on both sides – until they flow together and practically lose their individuality; and plunging the joined pieces into water – this hardens the joint, making it almost impossible to sunder.

So why would we describe the creation of a friendship in terms that evoke such a violent, traumatic process? Because this so perfectly describes what a true friendship should be!

Let’s look at it step by step.

First, the two pieces must be carefully aligned. If the pieces do not mate well, the bond will be weak and easily broken. So too with people: true friends need to have alignment – they must share ideals and direction. That does not mean they need to be identical – but the closer they are in alignment – of ideals, purpose, goals, and general outlook – the stronger the bond will be.

Heat must be applied. Friendship – true friendship – involves heat. Sometimes it is the heat of disagreement, sometimes it is the excitement of shared accomplishment, sometimes it is the passion both share for a subject. Without that emotional component, there cannot be a true bond.

The two pieces are subjected to heavy hammer blows, often in turn. If you envision this, you’ll realize that when one piece is being hammered on, the other piece is beneath it – supporting and reinforcing it. It is the true expression of the rather facile “I’ve got your back” – true, real friends support each other when the going is tough for the other. The result is that the two – pieces of metal or friends, it works with either – blend together – an attack on one becomes an attack on the other; a triumph for one becomes a victory for the other, and so on.

Finally, the joined parts are subjected to a cold plunge. This hardens and strengthens the bond. For people, this takes the form of forced separation and an expected cooling of the relationship – perhaps through familiarity, perhaps through distance. But their bond is stronger than ever because of this necessary step. (By the way, if things never cool off, the results can be catastrophic – even metal, and the closest of friends, can suffer from overheating and burning.)

Forging a bond of friendship with someone is serious. Not all of us are fortunate enough to have gotten to this point with anyone – perhaps with our spouses if we are so blessed, and maybe with one or two other people.

It is obvious that this kind of a relationship can only happen in real life. This is not the province of Facebook or OK Cupid or Jdate or anything else on-line.

It is my own small protest against the devaluation of this incredibly important concept that is one of the main reasons I have chosen to leave Facebook. I encourage you to do the same – or at least to look beyond your screen and recognize that true friendship has to happen in real life.

I’ve done a number of things over the years, mostly related to technology.

I’ve written computer programs for missile simulation testing, and for missile launch control systems.  I did that until the missiles I worked on starting killing people, then I stopped.  It’s funny, there was no mental connection to the actual use of the darn things while I was programming them.

I worked in industrial controls.  I automated a pet food plant once.   I learned far more about what goes into pet food than I really would have liked.  For example, I could have done without the concept of “pumpable meat” for my entire life.

I’ve also worked on my own, as you can see from my website, helping people solve technology problems.

Now I’m back in-house, as an IT Manager for a small company supporting the construction industry.

As you know from my other posts, I think that gratitude is one of the most important things we can express.  One of the great things about working for a company, and for which I am most grateful, is Paid Time Off.

Take today, for example.  I’m home sick with a low-grade fever, and a NASTY chest cold.  Very painful to cough, marginally painful to breathe, and just draining.  I decided that I needed to rest, and that infecting my coworkers would be inappropriate.  So I stayed home.

Were it not for Paid Time Off – such as when I’m working on my own – I would feel obligated to fight through the feelings of abject yuck and work anyway.  As it is, my company has provided pay for today, and I don’t have to do anything but get better.

(Now, in a way, I’m also grateful for labor unions, because of whom PTO is even a concept today.  But this is not really a political blog – and I’ll only say that I disagree with what’s happening to some unions today.)

So I’m grateful for PTO – I’m even grateful for being sick and getting to take advantage of it.

What’s happening in your life?  Whatever it is, be grateful at least for the chance to experience it.